UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- The residents of Springfield House, in Simmons Hall, had been enjoying a semester of carcass-free-showering, but the ominous occurrence of last week changed that. Hall resident, Nick Deblaze (super senior - DUS) describes the event:

Above: That Milk Thing, which had been missing for over a month before turning up dead in a Springfield House shower.

              “Well, it was real’ early in the morning, and I was just goin’ to take a shower to wash the puke out of my hair from the night before. As I pulled the shower curtain back, I saw it and was like, ‘oh shit, not again.’ It was mad gross.”

              When police arrived at the scene, they found the rotting carcass of That Milk Thing lying on the shower floor. State College Police suspect foul play.

              After a short stint as the spokesthing for milk in the early 1990’s, That Milk Thing was eventually laid off. It was later rumored to have moved to Canada to begin a career in figure skating. That Milk Thing was last seen alive in early March at a Toronto strip joint.

The Philly Phanatic has been called in for questioning in the brutal slaying of That Milk Thing, but police will not say whether the Phanatic is a suspect.

              That Milk Thing’s distant cousin, The Philly Phanatic, was called in for questioning. The Phanatic declined to comment to State College reporters, but afterwards The Phanatic ran, tripped, rolled, got up and sped away on his ATV to lighten the spirits of reporters. A murder scandal is the last thing the Phillies need, as their weak-ass team, by some major fluke, is currently atop the NL East.

              Residents of Springfield House, still reeling from the deer carcass in the shower a few months back, have planned a “Take Back the Shower Stalls” rally in the upcoming weeks. The rally hopefully will help comfort those using the now infamous “carcass stall.” Joey Boniol (sophomore - IST) had this to say: “After that deer, I didn’t use that stall for a while, but after That Milk Thing, there is no way in hell I’m ever using that stall again!” Counselors are available for anyone needing help in coping with the latest incident.