UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- Since his acceptance in March, Freddie Greyland (freshman - DUS) was anxiously awaiting arrival day at Penn State University. It would be a time to meet new friends, to enjoy college life, and perhaps most importantly, to surf the web for porn with a high speed Internet connection.

Greyland longs for the day he can view his next downloadable girlfriend and pound his pud in privacy.

              Two days before coming to University Park, Greyland paid $24.99 for access to CollegeCyberVixxxens with the hopes of being able to download full length feature porn flicks and gigabytes of pictures.

              However, as the days go by and his roommate has still not left the room, it seems like Freddie’s dreams of high speed porn will not become a reality in the near future.

              "I'm really bummed," stated Greyland in an exclusive interview with The State Stump. "When comparing universities, I chose Penn State because it had the fastest Internet connection of all the Big Ten Schools. Unfortunately, what I did not consider was the x-factor; my roommate being a damn Diablo 2 addict!"

              In fact, Greyland has tried to employ numerous methods to get his roommate to leave, at one point becoming so desperate that he offered him $6.00 to go to a movie downtown.

              "I know I've only been at school for three days now," states Greyland, "But I need to go to housing Monday morning and request a room change. This is pure torture."

              According to a recently passed Penn State Housing Policy, "If a roommate does not leave the room for a period of three days, thus denying the other roommate any privacy, said other roommate is entitled to a room change.”

              It seems that Penn State was a good choice for Greyland after all.