UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- In an impressive show of solidarity, 28 Penn State students, gathered at the HUB today for the annual “Dude, When Are They Gonna Legalize Weed Already” rally, decided to cut short the protest and just fuckin’ go back to my place and get blitzed.

Man, let me just tell you, if weed isn't legalized then, uh. Shit dude... um, hold on. Uh, what was I saying?

             Led by outspoken burnout Greg Banger (senior - Phish and Wildlife Study or Something, I Don’t Really Know, But I’m Pretty Sure It Has Something To Do With Phish) for the second year in a row, the bipolar undergraduates managed to chant and hold up signs for nearly fifteen minutes before losing interest in the proceedings. At approximately 2:47 in the afternoon, Jay Koenig (junior - Music, I Think… That’s a Major, Right?), was heard mumbling, “Ok, I think I’m ready to go back to Dweezil’s place… I hear he has some doulja stashed in his bedroom.” Sophomore Kev Werner (sophomore - No Fucking Clue), a well-known campus hoover-doover, immediately dropped his “Free Mary Jane!” sign (“Mary Jane” having been sloppily painted over “Mumia”), while cousins Kristy and Tracy Kabak started making anxious calls on their respective cell phones.

             Within minutes, the mood-swinging protesters leisurely dissembled, most heading off to Dweezil’s Prospect Avenue apartment to get FUBAR. Dude. I just realized, that’s my place. Fuck! I don’t have nearly enough weed for everybody! Oh man. I was saving that bare-booda for those three cute freshmen I met at my film class two days ago. Hey, maybe they’re home. I guess I should give them a call. And dude, why the fuck am I still typing this bullshit……..