LA Devastated as City's Plans to 'Gay-Marry' Pete Carroll Derailed by Prop 8

By Dimitri Valentino

Los Angeles, CA-- The passage of California's Proposition 8 in the November 4th election has had heartbreaking consequences for more than a few residents of the Golden State. The new law, which defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman, is a reversal of the state's previous policy. The change has forced many couples to change their plans, as same-sex marriages are no longer recognized in the state.

     Perhaps most significantly, the entire city of Los Angeles has been forced to put on hold their planned marriage to USC head coach Pete Carroll. Los Angeles had previously planned to marry the coach on December 21st, during the brief downtime between the end of the regular NCAA football season and the beginning of the bowl schedule.

Pete Carroll can't believe that Proposition 8 passed either.

     The romance between Pete Carroll and the city of Los Angeles has been a steady but exciting one. Los Angeles admits it had little interest in Carroll when he first came to the city to coach USC in 2000. "Yeah, it's true, we didn't want him. He had bounced around the NFL like a fart in a mitten, and there was no indication he was going to settle down any time soon, I guess Pete was just a little wild in those days."

     As it turns out, Los Angeles' first impression couldn't have been more wrong. After a rocky 6-6 start in his first season, Carroll has made an effort to show his dedication, and has shown it by winning. "Winning does put a certain glow on a man," said the city. "He also has this 'sexy dad' look that makes us want to keep him in our locker room for a long time to come."

     By all accounts, things started slowly, but it wasn't long before it got serious. "By 2003 we were already falling for him, by 2006 we couldn't even imagine having another football coach," reflected Los Angeles. "We're the second biggest city in the US, why do you think we don't have an NFL team?"

     Despite the setback, Los Angeles tentatively plans to marry Pete Carroll in New York in March, although details will not be finalized until after the college football season has come to a close. The event will be restricted to family and close friends of the city and coach.