Lion Line Recipient Hopeful to "Get Some"

By Jane Sorbitol

University Park, PA-- As many a graduating senior has learned, when a student matriculates from Penn State, it is not long before they are given a chance to continue paying for their education above and beyond the countless tuition and boarding bills they have already racked up. This opportunity most often comes in the form of a nice-sounding lady on the Lion Line requesting that you consider a donation to your favorite school [PSU].

After countless sexual propositions from recent PSU graduates, 'Deborah' has been forced to keep her identity secret.

     Mark Tiberia ('04 - Food Science) has received many such phone calls over the months from a PSU co-ed who would identify herself only as 'Deborah'.

     "It's like, I can't afford to pay any more to Penn State, but when she asks me for ten or twenty dollars, all I can do is give in," lamented Tiberia, who graduated from Penn State with approximately $90,000 in student loans.

     "I do admit that I have been playing it cool; donating $5 here, $10 there, all but ensuring a return call asking for more. I have to make my move soon, though, since this 'Deborah' says she is graduating in 2008. I'll have to meet up with her soon if I want to show her my Nittany Lion."

     When contacted by The State Stump, 'Deborah' refused to grant an interview unless The State Stump would "make a donation to the school or program that means the most to you [PSU], to help ensure that tomorrow's students have the same opportunities [student loans]." Thus, our call was not returned.