UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- The monthly Sigma Epsilon Chi - Kappa Upsilon Mu formal/gangbang has been cancelled until further notice because of the new dry policy adopted by Penn State sororities.

              "I wouldn't go near those girls if I was sober," said Sig Ep president Brian Bullinger (senior - MSIS). "They're nasty. Most of them weigh more than I do. A couple of them are missing teeth!"

              "Now that we're not allowed to serve alcohol at these gangbangs…um, I mean formals…why should we hang around a bunch of deformed, slutty hogs?"

	Dinner at the November '00 SEX/KUM formal/gangbang that will likely be the last of its kind.

              The new policy does allow sororities to take part in events serving alcohol, but these events must take place at a non-Greek facility, such as a bar or the VFW. This way, I.D.s can be checked to assure that all attendees are over 21.

              Bullinger commented on the possibility of moving the location of the formal/gangbang. "First of all, I don't want to be seen in public with these girls. Secondly, the sluttier girls are all under 21 and wouldn't be able to attend. The VFW plan would suck, you know?"

              Kappa Upsilon's secretary Teri Steinert (junior - education) released this comment in response to Bullinger. "You guys are just as fat and disgustingly stupid as we are. We belong together. Please don't let our new policy put an end to the formal/gangbang tradition. Call me sometime, okay?"

              As of press time, there has been talk of moving the gangbang/formal to a heated tent in the woods outside Bellefonte.