UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- Douglas McGuire (freshman - DUS) claims that he "got some" from eight different girls in one night January 26, 2001 after he came home from a frat party at Sigma Pi. McGuire recounted his night of carnal passion to his jealous floormates Saturday morning at brunch.

             McGuire boasted that he started his night by making out with a "blonde bimbo" at the Sigma Pi Fraternity. He went back to his East Halls dormitory to get some rest, but his "suave manner and stunning good looks" prevented him from going to sleep.

             "I wandered around the 3rd floor of Pennypacker for a few minutes, and ended up in a girl's bed, I mean what a rack she had. I'm talking Pam Anderson style."

Freshman Mark Thomas, who hopes to one day be "as cool as Doug."

             "The next thing I knew I was back out in the hall, but a few minutes later I was in another girl's room again. I tongued her like there was no tomorrow."

             McGuire recalled what happened next as he lathered his french toast with an unidentified sticky substance, "The girls wanted me so bad that night, I kept bouncing from one room to the next like a pinball."

             "It was a dream come true," McGuire stated as he held ice to his blackened eye that he could not explain how he got, but said "sure hurts like hell."

             At about 4 AM in the morning Douglas came back to his dorm room and fell asleep, an exhausted man.

             Mark Thomas (Freshman- DUS), McGuire's roommate commented, "Man I wish I could be a ladies' man like Doug. He always tells these stories about how he gets all the girls, and me, I'm still a virgin. That last line's not going to be printed, right?"

              According to McGuire he has been with 67 girls since coming to Penn State this fall.