UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- In a recent survey, the Penn State Student Hygiene Organization learned that only half of Penn State students wash their hands after using the facilities. The survey was conducted early last week, on a voluntarily and anonymous basis, in the Osmond Laboratory. Outside of Osmond, several students voiced their opinions:

Kelly Price, one of the "washers", thoroughly cleanses her hands.

             "I wash my hands each time I use the bathroom," said Kelly Price (junior - marketing). "I use toilet paper on the seat and I always wear flip-flops in the shower, too. There's no telling what the heathens who aren't taught proper etiquette could leave behind. It's rather disgusting."

             "Wash my hands? That's sissy [expletive]!" Mike Grove (senior - computer science) told us emphatically. "Its a good day if I wipe my [expletive]; they don't make colored boxers for nothing!"

             Some of the students, upon hearing others voice their opinions, grew somewhat outraged.

             "What a bunch of pigs!" said Brian Tressle (sophomore - dance). "The body is a delicate object, and should be treated thus so."

             "They're all phonies," claimed John Mowers (senior - political science). "I recognize some of those guys; they're the same ones that come to our frat and piss all over the bathroom. Those [expletive] don't wash their hands!"

             Shortly after these remarks, a small ruckus broke out between the two sides. The hand-washers, who were physically smaller than the non-washers, avoided the latter, saying later that they weren't afraid of being hit, they were afraid of being hit by "poopy hands." The non-washers later said that they couldn't wait to "smear [expletive] all over the doors of the hand-washers' rooms."

             Later last week, two demonstrations were held outside of the HUB. Both the "Dirty Hands Make Dirty People" and "Save A Tree And A Lake: Don't Wash" campaigns drew quite a crowd, with many students signing up to join sides and take part in this brewing battle of hygiene.

             Penn State University plans to stay out of this mess. Public Relations spokeswoman Nancy Firmst gave us Penn State's perspective: "We provide sinks and toilet paper, with the intent that the students will use them. However, we have no way of enforcing the use of these facilities, and do not plan to start."

             Students that would like to get involved can seek out newly-founded organizations that are taking a stand in this, such as the "Wits Over [expletive], or the "Soap And Water: We've Heard Of It" groups. How far the students at Penn State will take this battle remains to be seen, but speculation has been a common topic for discussion lately.

             "I think that we're going to see something special here," explained Jenny Wintend (sophomore - history). "Just like when the Civil War broke up the United States, I think the Hygiene Battle is going to break up Penn State University. Sisters versus sisters, frat brothers versus brothers, roommates versus roommates, this is going to be big."