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Athletes and Scholars to Receive Automatic A's
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- In an effort to attract the fastest and the brightest to the lush Happy Valley, the Penn State Student Government announced yesterday that all student athletes and Schreyer scholars will be given automatic A's, an equivalent of a 4.0 GPA.
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Soccer player Matthew Prodin is thrilled with the new policy.
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During the past few years, the quality of the incoming Scholars in this University has deteriorated, stated Schreyer's Honors College Dean, Ruth Jackmire. "Before we accepted students who were bright, smart, and talented individuals. Now, we have to just settle for the biggest dorks."
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Brother at 'Cool' Fraternity Discovered to have been Dork in High School
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- Scandal reigns at Penn State's popular Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity, as one of their own was found to have been a dork in his high school career.
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Student Hacks Housing Database
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- This past Wednesday, January 31st, Brian Haldin (sophomore – computer science) was arrested by University Police for computer crimes against the University. Haldin allegedly hacked into the housing database two weeks earlier while assignments were being randomly generated.
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Staring Contest Huge Hit
STATE COLLEGE, PA-- This past week, as staring enthusiasts know, was dedicated to the Pennsylvania State University Campus Wide Staring Challenge (PSUCWS). A diverse selection of the student body participated in this competition. Read more...
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Losing Virginity in Frat House: Not As Romantic in Retrospect
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- Amy Chronister (junior - broadcast communications) reminisced about her freshman year today, recalling the frat house incident in which she lost her virginity as "not quite as romantic as it seemed at the time." Read more...
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