UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- This past week, as staring enthusiasts know, was dedicated to the Pennsylvania State University Campus Wide Staring Challenge (PSUCWS). A diverse selection of the student body participated in this competition.

             Penn State sophomore Salim Abdulabasacruth, PSUCWS Champion, announced his enthusiasm just before the event when he stated:

"Back in my home country staring competitions are very serious events. Some men spend their entire lives training for that glorious time when they can go face to face with another man in a battle of the mind."

             Although the competition seemed to be somewhat biased due to the seriousness of the competition in Salim's home country, it actually was not. In fact, many students admitted to practicing the art of staring many times while sitting in the Forum lecture halls.

A vast majority of students clearly appreciate staring, the newest of the 'finer arts.'

             A poll was taken at all of the main lecture halls to see what students were actually doing in class. Twenty-three percent said that they slept during classes, one percent said that they actually took notes, and the other 76 said that they just stared off into the distance. Timothy Jensen made the following comment on the subject:

"Sometimes I just find myself staring at the board for the entire lecture. I figure that if I look at my paper then I will just fall asleep. If I look at the board then at least the teacher will think that I am paying attention. Instead of learning, I just think about how I am going to get my girlfriend's sorority sister into bed this weekend."

             The contest was held in the main auditorium in the HUB. The lengthy competition was expected to only take a day at most. The Penn State Late Night committee obviously underestimated the talent that is held within the student population. The battle of wits lasted for 6 days and 14 hours. The students were not allowed to leave the auditorium because they may end up taking caffeine pills or another of the many amphetamines that are available.

Head judge of the competition, and Grand Pooba of the local Elks Chapter 63, Edward Caplin. Self-proclaimed "expert of staring and all its intricacies."

             Each competition lasted as long as necessary. There were three judges per match; one to cover each person and another to make sure that the other two didn't miss anything. The students found themselves sleeping in between the double-elimination rounds. Salim Abdulabasacruth, the lucky winner, went home with a trophy and a $1 off coupon to Uncle Chen's Chinese restaurant on South Garner. The trophy was coated in 4K gold plating adorned by a man with two large bulging eyes. The runner up, Jessica Telner, went home with a somewhat smaller trophy than the 1st place prize, but unfortunately she was not given a coupon to Uncle Chen's restaurant. Many students are hoping that this wonderful event will become an annual or maybe even a semiannual occasion. Salim challenges all Penn State students to try to top him. He claims that anyone who opposes him will end up staring at the mud.