STATE COLLEGE, PA-– In a brilliant tactical decision rivaling military geniuses like Hannibal, Charlemagne, and Caesar, Penn State Math 250 teacher Tony Rinaldi decided to postpone the due date of the latest homework assignment for a second time. The motive behind the decision was Rinaldi’s egocentric need to lecture to a full class. Luckily, his students have not yet detected his sinister plot.

             “They actually think I’m doing it because I’m such a nice guy!” Rinaldi exclaimed. According to him, nothing could be further from the truth. He really just wants to force as many students as he can to attend his useless, boring lectures. “Oh, I know I’m a bore. I lose them to the crossword after the first five minutes. But as long as I goad them to come, I don’t care how much they suffer.”

             By continuously postponing homework assignments, he is assured an attendance rate of over 90%. Rinaldi explained that he only became a TA for the power trip. He loves being in control, and lets it show when he teaches. Nothing makes him happier than starting class early and holding the students late by giving extra notes.

             “I pretend like I’m telling them all the best ways to solve problems, when really I just want to hear the sound of my own voice,” Rinaldi said. He has been postponing every assignment since the start of the semester, and is fully confident his students will never catch on. One of his students, Seiji Gupta, said “you couldn’t pay me enough to go to this loser’s class, but you have to go to hand in homework, so what are you gonna do?” At this rate, Rinaldi is counting on near perfect attendance for the duration of the semester.