UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- In an effort to aid the failing economy, the Penn State Bookstore announced today that it would be cutting prices on everything from textbooks to Penn State memorabilia. Students will be able to purchase books up to $0.50 cheaper and Penn State souvenirs for $0.25 off.

Students at the campus bookstore go buckwild, taking advantage of the unexpected price reduction.

             “It is the duty of the University to alleviate some of the economic burdens placed on our society, and especially on the students,” commented Joseph Startastik (junior – finance) brandishing his receipt, where he saved a total of $0.13 out of $369.43.

             Jennifer Doubet, cashier at the Bookstore, believes that the price-cut will have a positive impact on students. “If this price cut had happened two years earlier then I wouldn’t be in the situation I am in, you know. Like, Gregory would-of had enough money to buy a rubber, and I, like, wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, you know. Then, like, I wouldn’t had to like leave school, and my darling sorority sisters at AKY.”

             This is the first price cut in the history of the bookstore, which has a long history of charging students in excess of $100 for a single textbook. This is an effort of the University to consider the larger picture of student life. “We believe that if students have more money in their pockets, they will be able to attend more alcohol free activities instead of heading to the places that serve free liquor. This plan is a good first step in increasing the percentage of students who drink responsibly, which is currently at 70%,” University President Graham Spanier stated at a news conference held this morning.

             The manager of the bookstore, Aaron Greenspan, cautioned that the price-cuts were only temporary, though. “We’ll have to see what the DOW does with this news, but I think that the response will be positive and we will be able to raise prices before the beginning of the fall semester.” Mr. Greenspan refused to comment on the fact that most students had already purchased their books for the current semester and would not benefit from the lower prices.

             After the news of the rollback on prices, trading was heavy on Wall Street, and the DOW climbed 20 points while the Nasdaq rose a whopping point.