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Spanier Reverses Alcohol Policy After A Saturday Night Six Kegger
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- Penn State University president Graham Spanier shocked the student body yesterday as he announced a reversal on his long time anti-alcohol and binge drinking policy Sunday Afternoon.
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Spanier, being a "real champ", mid-kegstand at Saturday's party.
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The new policy will include keg parties in the dorms, hard liquor served at the HUB, and a general loosening of Penn State’s stringent alcohol policies.
According to top university officials, Spanier’s decision came after he spent Saturday night partying and drinking at a Beaver Hill apartment party—which he initially attended in attempts to warn students about the dangers of binge drinking.
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A/V Technician Dies; Hundreds Of Projectors Rendered Useless
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- Tragedy struck the faculty at Penn State University early Wednesday morning as audio-visual technician Claude LaGrange was found dead at his downtown home. LaGrange’s death was a huge blow to the faculty as he was the only technician who knew how to operate and maintain the projectors used in many lecture halls.
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Willard Preacher Throws In Towel; Gets Real Job
STATE COLLEGE, PA-- In a surprising statement, Willard Preacher Gary Cattell has announced that he plans to retire from unsolicited evangelism in favor of a lucrative position at Hi-Way Pizza. Cattell plans to invest one last week in preaching before hanging up the red hooded sweatshirt once and for all.
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Bookstore Makes Price Cuts
STATE COLLEGE, PA-- In an effort to aid the failing economy, the Penn State Bookstore announced today that it would be cutting prices on everything from textbooks to Penn State memorabilia. Students will be able to purchase books up to $0.50 cheaper and Penn State souvenirs for $0.25 off.
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Math TA Postpones Homework To Increase Attendance
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- In a brilliant tactical decision rivaling military geniuses like Hannibal, Charlemagne, and Caesar, Penn State Math 250 teacher Tony Rinaldi decided to postpone the due date of the latest homework assignment for a second time. The motive behind the decision was Rinaldi’s egocentric need to lecture to a full class. Read more...
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A Special Valentine's Day Message From Ashraf Muraprathi: She Prefers Her Abusive Boyfriend To Me
Ever since I am meet Kristen, in my Earth Studies 230 class, I am knowing that she is the love for me. She is so kind, and caring, and smart as well, and most beautiful. Read more...
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