STATE COLLEGE, PA-- Three summers ago during a highly populated State College event called Arts Fest, a riot broke out on Beaver avenue. Cars were flipped over and burned. Couches were thrown out of windows and burned. Lamp posts were knocked over and burned. The police eventually got everything under control but the damages cost the city millions to repair. The past two summers police officers have tried to anticipate the actions of the students during Arts Fest. They would gather on rooftops and on street corners just to make sure that nothing happened.

             Other small riots broke out as these three years went on, after football games, but these riots were more peaceful than harmful. The only real damage that happened during any of these riots was when the students went to the football field to take the goalpost so that they could set it on Joe Paterno’s lawn, but lo and behold the police still showed up. Students were disgusted that the State College Police would try to break up a peaceful celebration for the Penn State football team.

             Just this past weekend another riot broke out on Beaver avenue. This one was worse than the previous. The street was dug up and windows were broken. The lampposts were again knocked down and burned. People were lit on fire to symbolize peace and harmony. The group of people that volunteered to light themselves on fire called themselves the pyro-people. Justin Bonds, vice-president of the pyro-people, stated:

             “I try not to think of it as burning my skin so that it is crispy and falls off. I like to think of it as burning away the bad part of society.”

             The riot lasted for over 6 hours. At no point were the State College Police able to contain the crowd. “There were just too many of them,” stated Chief Police Officer Orlando Mitchell. An anonymous riot member announced to the press,

             “I think the riot was well planned considering the fact that 75% of the officers were not on duty due to the weather being so bad and the Dunkin’ Donuts being closed. All in all we caught them with their pants down.”

             The people involved in the riot united in a 3-hour chant of the Penn State alma mater but because none of the students knew the words, they instead chanted the phrase “We don’t know the God damn words” to the beat of the music. This event that will go down in Penn State history involved the joining of all different types of groups. The members of Womyn, a feminist group, and the members of the Men’s Soccer team joined together in smashing a car parked outside of Acme Pizza. The Chess Club and the members of Delta Sigma Phi harmonized together while throwing cherry bombs into the sewers. One of the most surprising unities was the Sorority Delta Delta Delta having a naked conga line with some of the honors students from Simmons and Atherton Hall. Amber Torglan admitted,

             “The aren’t all ugly geeks, they like are actually kinda neat if you like think about it.”

             Police Chief Orlando Mitchell announced to the public that he will consider this riot an act of peace and that he, “will let it slide this time. But if anyone tries this again,” he added, “I will personally see to it that every one of you goes to jail.” Another anonymous rioter replied, “No matter how many cops you put on the street we will always have more people to shove their noses into the ground.”