UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- The Collegian, Penn State’s own student run newspaper, has been providing quality crossword puzzles on a daily basis to the student body for over 110 years. But what about the rest of the paper?

             Students have been complaining for years about the frivolous use of paper in the club’s daily publishing. However, the Collegian has maintained that recycling is the key to potential environmental problems involving their paper. Unfortunately, the majority of the student population doesn’t follow the ideal recycling regiment.

             “When I grab the paper I throw out any of the crap they put in the middle, tear off the last page, and then throw the rest in the garbage. If I’m feeling saucy I may toss it in the recycling bin, but that rarely happens. All I really want is the crossword”, said Brian Lakarti. (junior – political science)

             His feeling on the subject is shared by a large majority of the student body, and now there is a solution that will address the problem flawlessly: use the remaining portion of the Collegian as paper wadding when sending packages.

             This revolutionary idea came to Josh Garet (sophomore – mechanical engineering) during a visit to the post office adjacent to the HUB.

             “I had just grabbed the paper in the HUB on my way to the post office Friday morning. I needed to mail a kinda fragile package to someone from Ebay, and the teller said they didn’t have any styrofoam or other packaging materials. It hit me like a ton of bricks; the Collegian crumpled up and stuffed in to the box at precise locations makes an excellent packaging material. Also, it solves the long unanswered question of what’s to be done with those left over pages. Go me.”

             Josh contacted William Jeffreys, one of the faculty advisors for the Collegian, Friday afternoon to tell him about his revelation. After an emergency meeting of the Collegian staff, it was decided that the post office will now be the key distribution site for the paper.

             William Jeffreys commented after the meeting, “We here at the Collegian have always been concerned with the environment, and aware that the student body gained little from our daily publication other than an expansive vocabulary. Thank God now we have a solution to both problems.”

             This publication is not available in alternative media upon request.