STATE COLLEGE, PA – Nearly five months after his evil foes nearly destroyed protector of the universe Adam Taliaferro, the world can breathe a collective sigh of relief. Today, after many nerve-racking weeks, the super-hero was once again able to fly under his own power. This is the first indication that he will eventually regain all of his super powers, which he once used to vanquish evil around the globe.

Above: Adam Taliaferro is well on the road to recovery.

             Ever since the September 23rd attack on Adam by the ruthless Ohio State Buckeyes, he has been incapacitated while master criminals ravaged the world. Penn State’s elite team of super-powered mutants, or “football players” as they are more often referred to, has sorely missed the presence of Taliaferro. He was expected to be a future leader of the evil-fighting team, before the sinister Ohio State masterminds mercilessly attacked him. In a diabolical trap, the Buckeyes lured Taliaferro to stop the aggressive actions of uber-villian Jerry Westbrooks, also know as “The Wide Receiver”. Westbrooks was merely bait, but he carried with him Taliaferro’s only vulnerability: a pocket-size piece of kryptonite. Taliaferro was instantly crippled, and many feared for his life.

             Thanks to the brilliant research of Professor Xavier Banner at the Penn State Center for Mutant Medicine and a team of the finest athletic trainers, Taliaferro was rescued and he has been slowly but surely recovering.

             Following today’s development, it is likely that Taliaferro will some day return to his full abilities. Now that his gift of flight has been restored, doctors speculate that his other superpowers won’t be far behind. Soon he will once again be able to terrorize evildoers with his x-ray vision, super strength, and lightning bolts from his ass, making the world a safer place for all.