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Penn State Students Jump on the Bandwagon
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- As the final seconds ticked down in Sunday's University of North Carolina versus Penn State game, some would have thought that they were watching a football game as Penn State did the seemingly impossible, defeating perennial basketball powerhouse North Carolina on the hard wood courts.
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Long time (4 day) Penn State fans Ruth McCloud and Donald Plott hold up a sign at the Sports Café during Sunday Night's Game supporting "their Lions".
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With the surprising victory, the student body rejoiced and collectively leaped onto the Penn State Final Four bandwagon. According to a student pulse survey prior to this victory 1 % of the student body classified themselves as being a Penn State basketball fan. However, in a survey conducted last night the number of fans has reached an astronomical 98% who support the team.
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Penn State Finds New Vice to Eliminate; Masturbation
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- After successfully eliminating numerous “hazardous” recreational activities, the Penn State administration unveiled its newest mandate last night. Masturbation and related acts of self-gratification have been identified as “a dangerous threat” to the health of the student body and now must be eliminated. Read more...
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USG Develops Party Foul Standarization
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA--Undergraduate Student Government president Matthew Roan announced earlier this week that the Penn State student government had finally finished drafting the long-in-development party foul legislature. The rules dictating the assignment of and punishment for party fouls had long been enforced only as an informal unwritten agreement of courtesy between party-goers. Read more...
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New Local Fraternity, Kappa Kappa Kappa, Labeled Racist
STATE COLLEGE, PA-- The Penn State IFC has just admitted a new fraternity into its long list of local and national fraternities. It is to be called Kappa Kappa Kappa. Since Penn State’s establishment, many of fraternities’ chapters have taken up residence at the school’s large campus with its wide variety of students. Some have been at this distinguished University since the beginning. A vast number of these organizations are do not have a national charter, making them ‘local fraternities.’Read more...
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