STATE COLLEGE, PA-- The Penn State IFC has just admitted a new fraternity into its long list of local and national fraternities. It is to be called Kappa Kappa Kappa. Since Penn State’s establishment, many of fraternities’ chapters have taken up residence at the school’s large campus with its wide variety of students. Some have been at this distinguished University since the beginning. A vast number of these organizations are do not have a national charter, making them ‘local fraternities.’

The seal of the recently founded fraternity, Kappa Kappa Kappa.

             Many students have spoken out against the admission of the new organization for various reasons. Racism is believed to be one of the main goals and priorities of the fraternity. Some think that Kappa Kappa Kappa is just pseudo-name for KKK, Klu Klux Klan. Junior accounting major Abraham Schwartz protested, “Racism is what tears this country apart and I don’t want the same thing to happen to the place where I go to school.” “Forget what those protesters are thinkin’, the Kappa Kappa Kappa brothers don’t belong to no racist organization. We’re American!” quoted Jack Christianson, a proud member of Kappa Kappa Kappa. “The Kappa Kappa Kappa fraternity may be all Christian right now but if any of you Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, whatever, want to try to get through our rigorous pledge program then go ahead and try.” Due to the activities contained in the pledge program, the details were not given. But a few of the brothers were seen bringing into their house on Locust Lane:              1. A large bundle of wood              2. A Goat              3. Large amounts of rope              4. A crate full of bibles              5. A few dozen T-shirts that clearly read ‘Kill Them Black Boys’

             NOTE: The materials contained in this list are not illegal to possess by the American people.

Fraternal President, Billybob Keller, Vice President Brandon White, and Sergeant at Arms, Timothy Rankman announce the final bids for the spring 2001 pledge class for Kappa Kappa Kappa

             The Kappa Kappa Kappa local fraternity is holding weekly parties in the woods behind The Forum building. There they will hold fraternal rituals and parties on a weekly basis between the hours of 2:00am and 4:00am. Although the bids are already in for the spring semester, President Keller invites all men with the guts to be a member of the Kappa Kappa Kappa to pledge next semester.