UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- Marvin Liebman (freshman - DUS), after many weeks of classes, has finally concluded, “That girl over there definitely likes me.” Liebman does not know the name of girl in question, and refers to her only as “Prospective Girlfriend #3.” Both are students attend the same biology 10 and chemistry 12 classes, which Liebman takes as a sign they were meant to be together, perhaps for the rest of their lives.

“Prospective Girlfriend #3,” who is madly in love with Liebman, whether she knows it or not.

             Liebman, without consulting the object of his affections, has been carefully compiling evidence detailing exactly how much the girl wants him. “Once she and I first ‘met’, I quickly abandoned taking any notes in our classes and instead began collecting evidence on exactly how much she likes me,” Liebman said, holding up a notebook erroneously labeled ‘Bio Notes.’

             “You can clearly see here (referring to his charts) that on February 23, she looked in my direction not once, not twice, but thrice! Now, we can certainly interpret that as a positive reaction to yours truly.” The notes go on to detail other, more abstract “signals of desire” as Liebman terms them. Among the most notable entries, the time she sat only one row away, the time she dropped her pen nearby, and three recorded instances of “totally meaningful eye contact.”

             Eventually, the freshman hopes to make his third prospect a charm, and develop a relationship. When asked how much longer before he would make his move, Liebman was somewhat vague, “You can’t rush these things, and it takes perfect conditions for a successful initial contact even if she does want me like crazy.”

             Rather than try and initiate a conversation, Liebman would rather recall the one time his beloved spoke to him. “I planned it perfectly and walked right next to her as we left the bio lecture. As we were leaving she looked right at me and asked, ‘So a cheesy white discharge is a sign of Chlamydia right?’ It was a beautiful experience.”

             Someday, Liebman feels conditions might be right for another encounter. “Hopefully I can get in another situation where she talks to me” Liebman said. “Maybe she can have an accident, fall down or something, and I can help her like in the movies. All I need is a friend who wouldn’t mind knocking her down.” With only a little over a month left of classes, Liebman has to move quickly to both plan his assault, and build a trusting relationship.