STATE COLLEGE, PA-– Just over a week after rioting threatened the safety of downtown State College, the police were once again called in to quell another dangerous disturbance.

Above: Fairmount Avenue Elementary School; the scene of Tuesday's 'Red Rover' disturbance.

             At Fairmount Avenue Elementary School in State College, police forces in full riot gear were called in when a game of ‘Red Rover’ got dangerously out of hand. The crowd was made up of approximately 45 students, with ages ranging from 10 to 12 years old. After ordering the students to disperse, police had no choice but to fire canisters of tear gas into the crowd, sending the youths fleeing as officers struggled to make arrests.

             Police official Vincent Maxwell explained why the force was necessary, “We arrived at the scene and saw these kids standing around screaming. After securing a perimeter over there by the swings, we tried to get the bastards to disperse but it just wasn’t happening. Out of fear for our own safety, we resorted to the gas and pepper spray.”

             Eight children were placed under arrest for among other things, disturbing the peace and not being old enough to understand the consequences of their actions. One of the captured children, Joey Knight, 12, offered his perception of the events. “I had just finished the Freez-E-Pop mom put in my lunch when this guy in a mask sprayed something in my face” Knight said, still in tears, “Then he grabbed me and started yelling, but I couldn’t understand him, so he started hitting me with his club. That was the worst recess ever.”

             When asked if the use of force was somewhat excessive, Maxwell angrily responded, “When there is a clear and present danger to the health of our personnel, force is the only choice. You think all we do is write tickets and file reports? To you it may look like a normal schoolyard, but to a trained officer of the law, it’s a pressure cooker that could explode into violence and mayhem at any moment.”

             School officials applauded the decision. Principal Victoria Ibsen felt, “After seeing what those horrible college kids did to Beaver Avenue, we have to teach these children a lesson in order and fascism. Hopefully if the police continue to take proper action, children will realize being quiet and maintaining order is paramount over personal freedom and emotions.”

             On whether or not more police action would be required, Maxwell said, “All I know is there is a dodge ball tournament scheduled for recess tomorrow at another school. I’ve got the fire hoses ready, and the dogs are licking their chops.”