UNIVERSITY PARK, PA-- Following a long and grueling campaign, Justin Zartman and Amanda Hudnall emerged as the USG president and vice president elects. They are now set to begin their term as useless, self-absorbed puppets.

USG President Elect Justin Zartman promises 'lots of neat things, for the students.'

             Zartman and Hudnall were able to fight off five other tickets to win the election by a margin of only 90 votes. They won with 1,289 of the 5,674 votes cast on election day. There was some controversy regarding the result, however, as apathy, which overwhelmed all candidates with an astounding 35,850 non-votes, went unrecognized and uncompensated. Year after year, apathy is inappropriately brushed aside, despite being the clear winner of the USG election. Many students were outraged and felt disenfranchised after the results were announced. As David Finnegan (Junior, History) said, “I don’t think they’re really listening to us. We’re not voting in record numbers, and yet USG continues to exist. I’m getting very disillusioned by all this.” Students can only hope that their message of indifference will not be ignored in next year’s election.

USG Vice President-Elect Amanda Hudnall is thrilled with her victory.

             After their victory was announced, Zartman and Hudnall addressed their supporters with a riveting speech. They thanked their circle of friends for voting and for being larger than their opponents’. Also, they graciously congratulated their opponents on a well-contested race. Hudnall went as far as suggesting campaign tips for anyone who wished to run again. “Try giving out candy, it worked for us, right?” Zartman and Hudnall campaigned with the idea to “put students first,” a message they repeated following their election. They promised “lots of neat stuff” for the Penn State student body. “We have so much planned for this university, it’s gonna be great!” said President-elect Zartman. Hudnall added, “yeah, we’re gonna get so much done, and it’s all for the students!” Although, neither member of the ticket would specify what was planned, they assured the crowd of dozens that it would be spectacular. Nevertheless, when Zartman was asked, “off the record” what he really planned to do for students, he responded “are you fucking kidding me? Getting elected was the hard part, we’re blowing the rest of this shit off! But it will certainly look nice on my resume.”